Better Orgasms For Men

Better Orgasms for Men

One of the best exercises to incorporate into your penis exercising routine is edging. It not only helps improve the penis in the main three ways: building stamina, improving hardness, and making it bigger, it also adds a little bit of fun to your penis workouts.

Edging, sometimes known as peaking or surfing, is a very straight-forward sexual exercise. In a nutshell, edging is masturbation with stopping right before you reach the point of no return (PONR). It can be performed either alone or with a partner. For advanced edgers, this exercise can also be performed during actual intercourse. Once your urge to ejaculate has subsided, you repeat the process as many times as you’d like.

The purpose of edging is to learn your body cues as you near orgasm. This, ultimately, will give you better orgasm control. Once you decide to allow yourself to climax, the orgasm is incredibly intense, due to the build-up of sexual stimulation.

Every time you get an erection you’re exercising the smooth muscle of the penis. This reinforces a harder and healthier penis. Edging is the most beneficial form of an erection, because during a proper edging session you are near your peak size and hardness for a large amount of time.

For men suffering from erectile dysfunction, due to psychological reasons, this can give you the confidence you need, the next time you’re about to have sex. Sometimes, erectile dysfunction is due to a vicious psychological cycle, where failure to get or maintain an erection leads to anxiety in the bedroom. This anxiety then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to more erection difficulties. Proving that you can get and maintain an erection, through edging, can help allay this anxiety.

1. Use your love muscle

Great abs may help you get lucky, but if you want to get the most from the experience you need to work on your pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. At the floor of your pelvis, it controls peeing and spasms during climax, which is why doctors and sex therapists recommend developing it to improve orgasm and reduce the chances of premature ejaculation. It’s also the muscle that enables dogs to wag their tails, but that’s another story entirely. Kegel exercises will develop PC power. Squeeze the muscle you use to hold back your pee. Once you’ve identified this muscle, tighten it, hold for two seconds, then release. Repeat 20 times, three times a day, gradually holding it tight for longer. And keep at it. “Kegels must be done on a regular basis to have any benefit,” says Gordon Muir, consultant urologist at King’s College Hospital.

2. Take it to the edge

No technique is as successful in improving male orgasms as edging – holding back at the point of no return, resting, then working up to it again. And again. And again. Practice by masturbating until you’re about to come, then stop, slow your breathing and wait 30 seconds before carrying on. Or try preventing ejaculation by gently pulling down on your testicles or squeezing the tip of your penis just as you’re about to orgasm. Then repeat the process. Master the art of edging and you’ll achieve contractile or “dry” orgasms: all the fun of the Big “O” minus the ejaculation and subsequent loss of wood. If you practise enough you may even experience the male multiple.The technique can result in incredibly intense orgasms.

3. Don’t play with yourself

Okay, stop “practising”. Masturbation won’t give you the kind of mind-blowing eye-roller that sex will. You know it, your partner knows it and what’s more Mother Nature likes it that way. According to a study by Stuart Brody, professor of psychology at the University of Paisley in Scotland, the body releases 400% more of the hormone prolactin (which makes us feel sexually satisfied) following vaginal penetration than it does after masturbation. “Evolutionary forces always reward behaviours associated with successful reproduction,” says Brody. “And penile-vaginal sex is the only sexual behaviour that passes on your genes.”

4. Take a deep breath

Ask any tantric sex therapist, how to achieve full-bodied orgasms and they’ll tell you the key is controlled breathing. “If you keep it deep and regular, allowing more intense arousal to build, your orgasming will become more and more satisfying, Rapid breathing, on the other hand, increases your excitement, pushing you over the edge. “Breathing methods intensify male orgasm by increasing oxygen to the physiological processes involved in arousal. Take shallower in-breaths through your nose and deeper out-breaths through your mouth to diffuse inevitable psychological and muscular tension and intensify your orgasmic experience.

5. Use your brain

Orgasm is all about brain activation says. The brain activates the genitals and controls everything. Unlike women, though, who experience intense activity in the area of the brain connected with emotion, men experience most activity in the secondary somatosensory cortex, which deals with physical sensations. The upshot? For better orgasms, your partner needs to focus more on your penis and you need to focus on the sensations coming from it.

6. Heat things up

Fact, men with cold feet have a much harder time reaching orgasm than those wearing socks. The more comfortable we are, the more relaxed we are, and relaxation means better orgasms.

Driver Awareness Course

Often when I am working with single women or couples, it soon is clear that the primary reason for sexual complacency or even dissatisfaction in their relationship is that the sex has become boring or has always been unfulfilling with both partners accepting that nothing will change.

How we relate to sex and intimacy, is very much dependent on what influences we have been exposed to when young and how sex is presented to us by our parents and teachers. Upbringing, culture, and belief systems go a long way to encourage or discourage our sexual awareness and confidence. If we do not receive adequate sex education either formally or through our own means then we can get left behind on the sexual journey. If we then meet a partner who is equally sexually restrained, then the joint adventure of experiencing together the exquisite pleasures of sexual intimacy remains elusive.


To compound the problem if a man or women is experiencing a lack of sexual fulfilment they only believe so because of  hearing stories of other people’s conquests and sexual adventures. This will only go further to undermine the sexual confidence of the unsatisfied.

Women who can not reach orgasm, men who feel shy and guilty about sex, women who feel ashamed or culturally bound to behave, men who lack knowledge and experience or men who fear disapproval by getting it wrong. These are often the underlying reasons why a sexual relationship can turn sour.

Here are a couple of short stories to highlight one of the reasons why sex in a relationship can become mundane and unappealing.

Brad, who works in Canary Wharf as a hedge fund manager, simply loves the buzz of making money and the fast paced self-indulgent lifestyle that it brings with it.  Only one thing is dampening Brads happiness, and that is his inability to maintain a long-term relationship. Brad loves women; he loves sex, and nothing makes him more satisfied than giving women an orgasm. But little does Brad realise that it is how he has sex that is the main reason the long term relationship, marriage, and children he longs for to complete his self-vision, remains a fantasy. Like the way he drives his new primrose yellow Porsche Cayman sports car, Brad has sex. He hits the road, straight on to the M5 motorway, blasts down the fast lane and after 20 miles of high-speed racing turns to his female passenger and asks “ Wow did you enjoy that?” To finish his journey Brad then pulls off and takes her to enjoy a pint at HIS favourite pub “The Bull in Bush!” with his equally nonempathetic mates while she sits there sipping warm glass of Cava that Brad graciously bought her and wondering if the journey was about her at all!


Now don’t get me wrong, fast cars, pints, and pubs are great but for Brads female passenger the novelty soon wears off. More than likely this is the way Brad will have sex, he has sex continually steaming away in 5th gear with little regard to his partner’s pleasure and only focussed on his achievements and pleasure. No wonder his partners soon hitch another ride with a more versatile considerate driver.

Simon, on the other hand, is Mr Sensible, he has trained long and hard and is soon to become a partner in the solicitors firm he works for. Simon has many friends and his weekends are often taken up inviting them around for a meal which he takes great care to prepare and execute. Simon is very proud of his Nissan Rogue. It sits in his drive way in Putney for most of the week and then on Saturday he religiously takes it out onto the M25  for a quick spin. It does not take long for Simon to get up to his top speed as he always remains within the speed limit and only goes for 2 juntions.  He prides himself on his careful driving and so rarely finds he has to leave the slow lane. After his Saturday routine tour, Simon likes to return home to a regular Sunday roast.  Sadly Simon is so sure his way is the best way that he never realises that his partner fantasises for the day when Simon takes them out in a British racing green Jaguar F-type to race down the M3, wind blowing in hair to end up at the most romantic beach on the south coast for Champagne and oysters to make wild passionate love.

Fortunately, there are not many Brads and Simons around. But many men will have shades of one or other of the characters. The ideal is that men embody a combination of the two. The Brads to become more other aware and Simons to become more bold and adventurous. Whichever story is identified with, investing time in learning how to expand skills as a lover, to adopt some or either Brad or Simons positive characterises will make your and your partner’s sex life a much more exciting journey. So, gentlemen, whether you are straight, gay or bisexual think what car you drive,  how and where you drive it and what might be your passenger’s experience.

By watching and learning from our Intimate Tutorials; Male to Female and or Male to Male Tutorials, you can increase your knowledge, confidence and skills as a lover. By incorporating a better awareness of the psychology of sex and the skills of intimate erotic touch, you can become a lover that everyone wants to hitch a ride with. So don’t just become a better driver why not invest in taking your advanced driver course or even obtain an HGV license and become king of the road.

Sex Strategy For New Couples

A Simple Sex Strategy For New Couples

For couples starting out in marriage, sexual chemistry should not usually be a concern. The decision to get married would most likely have been made on the basis that the sexual connection between the couple has been a pretty good one, maybe a bit inexperienced but at the least one that is fulfilling enough to suppose that good sex will last for decades.

However this is most often not the case and usually, within 3 to 5 years couples find that the sex in their relationship has at best changed to one of routine or at worst a struggle to maintain. Why? Of course pregnancy, infants waking during the night, working hard to provide for the family, are all factors that will influence the decline of sex between a couple. But underpinning these distractions is far more natural, and unconscious influence and that is our real sexual agenda to ensure our species survival.

Humans are tribal animals and are not biologically or psychologically designed to be sexually monogamous. The male, who until the advent of DNA testing could never know for certain that he was the father of a child, is programmed to approach sex with quantity over quality strategy. The more sex a male has, the more chance of making a baby and securing his genetic line. For the female by giving birth, she can be sure that her genetic line is maintained though she still has to ensure that the offspring survives and that both she and the child have protection and security during pregnancy and for at least several years after or until the child can fend for itself. So a combined strategy of quality and some quantity is for a the female the best method of ensuring: –

a) best genes (sperm) from which to conceive the healthiest baby

b) Maximizes her support network by having sex with several males displaying different characteristics and abilities but who all have a vested interest in keeping her and the child fed, safe and secure just in case they are the genetic father.

With this primal dynamic underpinning natural sexual agenda in play, how can a couple in the 21stcentuary maintain good sex between one another?

Follow this simple premise when making love and you will ensure sex remains exciting and fulfilling

Women seek DESIRE, Men seek APPROVAL

The more desired a female is, the more males she will attract to have sex with so feeling desired is an important arousal trigger for the female.

Tip – A man can should show his desire by alternating his traits in and out of the bedroom by becoming:-

Mr Creative – handyman, builder of home and sexually creative.
Mr Assertive – Dominant and sexually passionate.
Mr Caring, – tender and sexually intimate
Mr Provider – Security and sexually generous to her needs
Mr Unpredictable – Interesting and sexually adventurous
Mr Protector – The gentleman and sexual proprietary


If approved of by a female then the man gets to have sex and a chance to secure his genetic line

Tip – She should show him approval by being his:-

Lover – Intimacy, Tactility, Closeness,
Slut – Abandoned, Primal, Raw Sex, Debauched
Mother – Appreciation, Tenderness, Complimentary, Pride
Mistress – Assertive, Decisive, Dominant

Psycho-sensual massage for women

An award-winning TV documentary maker has approached me to take part in a documentary on female sexuality.

The documentary will explore how psychosexual and psychosensual therapy can be very beneficial in helping women achieve a more satisfying sex life. The documentary will be highlighting needs and issues that may include: stories of: sexual restriction and frustration, often due to cultural rules, lack of personal sexual knowledge, inability to orgasm, partners inexperience, single and busy and no time for sexual relationships and increasingly unfulfilled post menopause sexual needs and more. The programme will explore issues that many women experience but that current attitudes and treatments are coy about dealing with openly, honestly and practically. For the actual documentary, two or three female clients will be required, they will receive  a minimum of three x 3 hour Psychosensual Appointments (value £735). FREE and their journey’s will be filmed (sensitively) and documented throughout the programme. 

This is an amazing opportunity to be part of a ground breaking documentary.The production company are committed to making a sympathetic mature non-sensational documentary tracking your progress before, during and after the treatments. We want to explore issues that effect a variety of  women so if you are aged between early 20’s to 60+, any culture or spiritual belief systems, single or partnered and of any body type. I look forward to hearing from you. The treatments would be given in Central London at a high-end gym/spa and all production will be sympathetic and mature in its approach but honest and clear in its content. As well as the FREE treatments travel and expenses would also be covered.

If you are interested in taking part in this very important groundbreaking documentary please click on APPLY HERE to complete the application form. Confidentiality assured.

If you want to ask more information before applying please call me on 07966 522 696

ponda-logoPonda Films is a new production company dedicated to telling fresh and contemporary stories about the world in which we live. With our roster of top production talent drawn from the worlds of documentary, current affairs and factual entertainment, we have the skills and experience to bring stories alive in the most creative possible way, whatever the genre. Between us, we have made numerous critically acclaimed films and series for the likes of the BBC, ITV, Channel 4, Al Jazeera, Discovery Channel, A&E, and TLC. Above all, we believe in the power of filmmaking to change the world, and we have the track record to prove it.


A personal ponder from Colin about why this programme has to be made

This is a very important project for me and I am so pleased Ponda are keen to make the documentary. In the past 4 years I have seen nearly 200 female clients and in that time I have come to understand that many women are in some way experiencing sexual challenges or frustrations but that they often feel they have to remain silent, thinking that there is nowhere to go to explore or alleviate their needs. Since the feature in Cosmopolitan Magazine in November I  have heard many times from female clients that what I offer is exactly what they have been seeking. but never thought would be available. Listed below are the most common  reasons and  motivations that  female clients quote when booking a sensual or psycho-sensual appointment.

Sexual frustration

Inability to orgasm
Rocketing libido with no place to go
Lack of sexual confidence
Sexual inexperience
Fear of intimacy
Anorgasmia (fear of penetrative sex)
Inequality in a sexual relationship
Partner does not touch me anymore
I don’t want to touch my partner anymore
Postmenopausal sexual issues
Self-exploration both physically and emotionally
Busy life / sex & intimacy is limited
Guilt and shame around sex
Over control / lack of trust in sex
Overcoming negative experiences around intimacy and sex

I find it incomprehensible that something as natural and fundamental to literally the survival of the species as female sexuality should over the last few hundred years have become so controlled, judged, patronized and ridiculed by society.  As a consequence many women even in today’s enlightened world still can feel guilty or shameful being open about their sexuality and sexual needs. I use the word “needs” because for women particularly, to maintain good health and a sense of well-being in general, it is vital that she experiences her sexual energies regularly.

Of course, we all know that intimate arousing touch, sexual foreplay, and penetrative sex are meant to be pleasurable but do we ever consider why it is so? Why has nature made it such a focus in all our lives? To keep the species going, of course, is a primary reason but increasingly research is proving that arousing touch and sex is just very healthy. Physiologically for both men and women when we are sensually and sexually stimulated we produce a cocktail of hormones and endorphins that boost the immune system and energize our very cells at a core level. Psychologically, the necessary human trait to constantly fear rejection or abandonment (we are a herding species and need to be with other humans to survive) is calmed. In women, it satisfies the primal need to be desired and in men the primal need to be approved of. It brings us together, it engages us, it enables connection with others. Therefore, it follows that without experiencing these sexual energies in one’s life a feeling of rejection, not belonging, lack of self-worth, feeling undesired and not good enough become the primary fears. This can result in the immune system slacking causing ill health, depression and possibly even life threatening diseases.

Men can self-administer and to a degree replicate the same sensations of penetrative sex and as most men know masturbation becomes an essential part of life. A well-oiled hand can recreate a similar feeling as penetrating a vagina and so the usual physical process and psychological satisfaction can be experienced and after orgasm, he mostly feels satisfied. Like the difference between hungrily snacking on a Big Mac or taking the time to enjoy the flavour and textures of a fabulous Aberdeen Angus steak, both satisfy hunger but only the latter gives with it a combined gastronomic and emotional experience.

12-benefits-of-reaching-orgasmWomen can of course also masturbate but clitoral stimulation, even masturbation with a dildo can not generate the physical depth and carnal connection nor emotional euphoria that penetration of the vagina brings about. No matter how well practiced or imaginative she is when masturbating the primal desire and human energy that occurs when a female experiences full penetration can not be recreated. Every woman knows there is a difference between the self-initiated satisfaction of a clitoral orgasm and the a vaginal orgasm. For the female analogy, its like the difference between eating a shop bought bar of chocolate or being given some superb chocolates exquisitely made by a chocolatier, both can be satisfying but only the latter is an expansive indulgent emotional experience.

Taking the analogy further, the sensual massage experience that includes both clitoral and vaginal stimulation is neither the bought bar nor the chocolatiers indulgence but sits somewhere in between. Maybe a really good homemade chocolate brownie or chocolate fondants desert. Still bought but never the less given with pleasure in mind for her to feel spoilt and fulfilled.

Nothing is new


Even the Victorians who have a reputation for puritanical attitudes towards sex recognized that women were sexual animals. Sadly though this was in such conflict with their strong moral and religious beliefs that any women showing an element of desire to have sex for anything more than procreative reasons was diagnosed as mentally sick. 150 years ago the Victorians diagnosed it as Hysteria and the treatment was either clinical masturbation by a doctor or incarceration in asylums or shockingly for over 80,000 women removal of the ovaries, hence we now know much more about the human endocrine system in the body! Hysteria was seen as a mental disorder as it made women behave inappropriately according to societies rules of that period. Of course, today we are shocked by that attitude and we acknowledge  that a woman who enjoys sex for pleasure is not mad. Have we really moved on or just camouflaged the narrow-mindedness by accepting the scientific knowledge that orgasm in women is real and can be enjoyed for pleasure. It is accepted for women to enjoy sex within a partnership, marriage even open casual dating but what is available for women who are not in a relationship and don’t want to casual date ? or for those who for some reason have a fear or frustration around sex and are embarrassed even scared to enjoy nature’s natural process.

The experience I provide today offers women an opportunity to explore, release, energize,  their sexuality or frustration, respectfully and professionally but in as real a way as possible in a safe caring environment, without judgement.

Is Sexercise the new Exercise?


Imagine yourself going for one of your thrice-weekly workouts. Maybe a pilates class to re align your body structure or a session in the gym to tone your torso and flatten your stomach. Or maybe you feel like taking one of the new ‘Sexercise’ classes to energise your pelvic floor or loosen up the tension your genitals. Or possibly you want to restart your sexual libido which has been flagging after childbirth and sex with your partner still feels a trifle embarrassing. Or maybe you have a sexual performance challenge that you want to deal with, with an expert or maybe you just want some ‘sexual me time’.

Even the word gymnasium derives from the ancient greek of a place to be naked to take exercise. So is it too far fetched for me to consider combining sensual and psychosensual body treatments with the gym and personal training environment. One day and I hope soon, taking ‘Sexercise’ will be as normal as taking exercise and a life choice that is as acceptable as the yoga class is today. Now that we live in a far more automated and potentially sedentary world many people accept that taking care of our skeletal, muscular and spiritual well-being is important. By living and eating healthily and taking regular exercise we believe that our personal welfare and sense of self-worth will be balanced. But this is not always the case since no matter how much effort we put into out health and fitness regime if our bodies are not experiencing at least, intimate touch and sexual arousal then the underlying feeling will be of something missing. All our body systems are designed for two integral functions. Survival and Procreation. To survive we need to eat and to procreate we need to have sex. Everything else about the human condition comes after this or is in support of maximizing the eating and procreating. Yet in today’s so-called open accepting society we still deal with these basic natural instincts in very different ways.

Sex & Food, what’s the difference?

choc shotWhat if we switched our relationship with food with how we relate to sex. It would mean that eating by ourselves would have been frowned upon even seen by some as disgusting. That we could only eat in a certain way and only certain foods. That every culture and belief system would have different rules about what and with whom and how often we can eat. That we should not casually eat or eat too often but follow a prescripted system and restrain from eating when we felt like it. That we should not watch others eat, and eating in groups, well that’s just weird! Experimenting with different food would be only for the adventurous or frustrated eaters and paying someone to feed us simply exploitative and morally wrong. Most of us would only be expected to enjoy eating in the company of one other person, for a lifetime and that we would be embarrassed to talk about how we eat and what we eat with our children and hope that they learnt to eat properly by watching fantasy food programmes the internet or hearing of their friends eating exploits and then having a go without poisoning themselves.

Conversely, imagine if the importance of intimacy and sex could be taught from childhood, that it is ok to ask how to have sex properly and that there are proper instructions given so we can understand the many aspects of sexual intimacy. That we are aware that everyone’s relationship to sex is different and that some like sex with lights on or off and some only off. That we could view TV programmes about sex (Come Sex With Me! The Great British Sex Off! The Naked Sex Worker! Delia Smiths Sex Course!). That every time we had sex we could know how many calories we used up. That we could select to have the type of sex according to our mood that day. We could freely take part in sex classes learning new techniques, the history of sex and how sex is different in different cultures. We could openly invite friends to sex and intimacy parties without shocking the neighbours (hopefully, they would be there too). That we could happily enjoy instant take away sex or the beautiful 5-course version with our loved one

If you feel you want to support the making of this documentary or just have an opinion or an experience you would like to put forward then drop me a line at

To make an appointment with me CLICK HERE

To read more about the treatments I offer women CLICK HERE

Subscriber Survey

Intimate Tutorials has been live for 2 months and so far we are really pleased with the reaction and have welcomed over 300 members. To check how the site an concept was being received we sent out a short survey to those members who had subscribed and the feedback has been very pleasing. This feedback has been very helpful resulting in a more we streamlined the shopping process and we have lowered the cost of the 3-hour tutorial to only £75. Below are the results of some of the more relevant questions we asked.









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Vagina’s are Awesome!

We recently read an article written by Kara Maria Ananda on the awesomeness of the Vagina. It may not be every mans place of fascination but for the heterosexual, bisexual and bi curious men who read this newsletter, not to mention the many female m33Xtra members, it makes informative and revealing reading.

With my female client list growing weekly we can personally vouch for much of what Kara writes. Watch out guys we may soon be toppled off our sexual pedestal. Womanhood is freeing itself from the confines of society’s archaic shameful beliefs and the Vagina is claiming its rightful role as the powerhouse of human sexual energy. Penises may be proud but vaginas are quite simply awesome.  Read on ladies and be blessed in the individuality of your anatomy and gentlemen we recommend you take a few minutes to read this as it may well change the way you view your female partner(s) forever.

1. Vaginas Are Like Fingerprints.

Each vagina is different and unique. Like a fingerprint, it is the female body’s individual design and not like anyone else’s. There is no standard issue model and there is no “normal” vagina. Each vagina IS beautiful and fabulous just the way it is. Like a unique snowflake or flower, a woman’s vagina is the fingerprint to her erotic self.

images (1)Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t even know what a healthy normal vagina or vulva looks like, so they are fearful that they might be different. This is largely propagated because of the pervasiveness of the pornography industry which frequently will airbrush out a women’s labia minora resulting in a smaller and more adolescent appearing vulva. They do this to be more “discreet” – yeah, like pornography could ever be considered discreet.

Female genital plastic surgery is now a lucrative growing business in the US and beyond, with cosmetic surgeons heavily marketing to women to “improve appearance”. Unless there is a medical reason for female genital surgery it is no different than female genital mutilation, just promoted for cosmetic reasons and profiteering from women’s bodies rather than for adherence to patriarchal religious doctrines.

There has been no long term studies done on the effects of female genital plastic surgery and the reduction of the labia and vagina results in a significant loss of pleasure receptors as well as potentially causing scarring, infection, pain, excessive tightness necessitating physical therapy, and other complications. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology published a report in 2007 warning that most female genital cosmetic surgery was not ethical, acceptable, standardized or medically warranted.

A woman’s  body is designed the way it is for to support you to have outstanding orgasms, health, and protection of your lady parts. Getting to know your vulva and vagina will help you to love and appreciate the incredible female body you are blessed with. Your vagina and vulva are perfect just the way they are!

2. The Vagina-Brain Connection

Naomi Wolf writes in her book “Vagina: A New Biography” that the vagina is not only deeply interconnected with the brain through the complex female pelvic neural network, but that it’s also a part of the female soul. This means that for a woman to become aroused, she must be mentally turned on and excited, and orgasms can be a deeply spiritual experience. This involves the activation of the autonomic nervous system through deep relaxation and sensual touch which allows a woman to enter into an altered state of consciousness that precedes and facilitates the experience of orgasm.
Thus it’s true, foreplay is essential for women, because lovemaking and arousal is not as simple a physiological response as it is for men, who have much less complex pelvic neural networks. Women need to be slowly relaxed and eased into opening to ecstasy through their whole beings – mind, body and soul. The deeper the relaxation and trance state, the more incredible the orgasms become!

3. Women Are Multi-Orgasmic

It’s amazing blessing that women are able to experience multiple orgasms! The ability for women to be multi-orgasmic allows us to access deepening levels of pleasure, sensations, expanded consciousness and connection with our higher selves. This is nature’s gift to women that supports us in enjoying lovemaking and demonstrates that for humanity, sex and love is not just about making babies, it’s about connecting deeper with our lovers and ourselves, and is a portal to higher states of consciousness and spiritual communion. While men can learn to control their lovemaking to also experience multiple orgasms it is harder for them to do so.

However, many women are unable to orgasm, or have yet to experience an orgasm, let alone multiple orgasms. I once attended a women’s circle on the subject of sexuality with over 20 women of all ages from mid-twenties to mid-eighties sharing about their feelings and experiences of sex, orgasms and erotic love. Many older women in the circle reported not knowing what a real orgasm was until they were in their forties or even sixties! Know that this is learnable, and through emotional release work, the calming of the nervous system, healing of past traumas, and sexological bodywork, many blocks that may be preventing the nervous system from truly relaxing deep enough into the experience can be released and new sexual experiences are possible – at any age.

Additionally, most women do not orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone and need clitoral stimulation to climax. Getting creative through erotic touch can open the gateway to higher levels of pleasure. Orgasms are fabulous for health providing many physiological advantages from reducing stress and supporting restful sleep, to soothing menstrual cramping and headaches.

4. The Clitoris Is HUGE

When most people think of the clitoris, what they think of is just the tip of the iceberg. The tips or glans protrudes above the vaginal opening, offering a key spot for sensual stimulation. However, their are over 8000 nerves of the clitoris which extend throughout the tissue beneath the surface, inside the vagina and through the vulva and perineum. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than in any other part of a human body, including the penis, which only has 4000 nerves in contrast. It is an organ specially designed for incredible pleasure!

The clitoris actually has 18 different interconnected parts that work together to facilitate pleasure and orgasm, including the labia minora, the G-spot, the tip, the shaft and more. Author Rebecca Chalker wrote a wonderful book called “The Clitoral Truth” which elaborates on the true extent of the clitoris and it’s pleasure receptors. Through learning about the anatomy of the clitoris, women can learn enhance their sensations of pleasure and understanding of our bodies.

5. Vaginas Are Flexible

I remember in junior high, having a female friend mention that she couldn’t figure out how to fit a tampon in her vagina, let alone imagine how it could ever someday fit a penis. In the same fashion, many women wonder how it’s possible for a baby to actually exit their body through the birth process. Truthfully, women’s bodies are AMAZING and the vagina can actually expand quite extensively when relaxed and the hormonal orchestra is right, such as during arousal or childbirth.

Ina May Gaskin, considered the grandmother of modern midwifery, writes in her book “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” how when a women is relaxed in natural childbirth, the vagina and vulva can open rapidly and easily. She shares a story of one woman who she witnessed give birth, who’s yoni opened really WIDE and quickly during pushing for the baby to be born, and later reported that she silently repeated to herself the mantra “I’m gonna get HUGE!” during childbirth – and she did so as to easily and quickly birth her baby.

Thanks to this story, at the moments before I gave birth to my second child at home, my husband shouted out to me: “Your getting HUGE!” He thought that would help. Dads, I don’t recommend that, but I do find it quite hilarious now.

Unfortunately many women are told in pregnancy that they are too small to give birth vaginally, and are coerced into c-sections. This is just not true, as women’s bodies expand during childbirth and it’s not possible to look at a women’s vagina and say whether or not she is capable of birthing her baby vaginally or not before hand. During the time of labor and birth, the main issue preventing women from birthing vaginally is stress.

Imagine if you had to take a poop and there were 5 people in the bathroom telling you to push, push, push. I know many people who cannot go to the bathroom away from home, because they need that total relaxation and privacy, and public bathrooms with other people in the adjacent stalls cause tension and discomfort.

It’s similar for birth because we need to relax deeply and have privacy to open up so vulnerably. In my first labor, I sequestered myself in the bathroom during labor and that’s when I relaxed enough to let my baby descend and begin pushing. Thanks to having good support, relaxation and privacy during labor, I have ecstatically birthed two big babies naturally at home, 8 lbs and 9 lbs, with no tears and quick healing.

Vaginas are not ever just one size. The inner lining folds in upon itself, collapsing the internal space, only to expand with relaxation, arousal and lubrication. This incredible ability of the vagina to expand when needed seems to continue to boggle the minds of mothers to be and doctors.

6. Vaginas Are Strong

It may be soft and hidden away inside out bodies, but  vaginas are powerful and strong. Better and more frequent orgasms, an improved sex life, and prevention of back pain are all results of optimal pelvic floor strength. Kegel exercises are a popularized technique to strengthen the pelvic floor, but can actually cause worsening of problems due to not addressing all the muscle groups that are involved in pelvic health, including the glutes, and actually causing over-tightening of the pelvic floor.

Katy Bowman, a biomechanist who teaches functional movement, recommends that women squat daily to strengthen the gluteal muscles and improve pelvic floor tensility, support and strength. Deep squats with the heels and feet flat on the floor and toes facing forward several times a day is the most effective way to incorporate daily movement that enhances pelvic floor health, vaginal lengthening, flexibility and most importantly postural and pelvic alignment.

Another more effective way than Kegels to increase the strength, support, health, and somatic awareness of the vagina is through a Jade Egg practice, also known as vaginal weight lifting. The Jade Egg is an ancient practice for women’s health and wellness that is regaining awareness and popularity today. The practice involves inserting a smooth egg shaped crystal (usually jade though sometimes other minerals) into the vagina and learning to control the movement of it up and down. This strengthens the entire muscle system and increases somatic awareness of the muscles inside the vagina. Kim Anami is a popular modern teacher of the Jade Egg practice and she calls it Vaginal Kung Fu. Kim has a legendary vagina that is so strong, she can suspend from a Jade Egg inside her body heavy objects such as a bowling ball or surfboard.

Vaginas truly are AWESOME! 


Testify My Testicle

‘Testify’ comes from the Latin word for Testicle

In ancient Rome, two men taking an oath of allegiance held each other’s testicles, and men held their own testicles as a sign of truthfulness while bearing witness in a public forum. The Romans found a word to describe this practice but didn’t invent the practice itself. Other primates had already been doing this for millions of years. Two male baboons who cooperatewith each other by forming aggressive alliances against other baboons frequently fondle each other’s genitalia. This behavior has nothing to do with sexbut it’s a social ritual that primatologists call a “greeting.” The behavior of ancient Romans and male baboons can be explained by the Handicap Principle, an evolutionary theory according to which the most effective way to obtain reliable information about a partner’s commitment in a relationship – whether a political alliance, a romantic relationship, or a business partnership – is to impose a cost on the partner and assess the partner’s willingness to pay it.

To better understand the testicle ritual and its explanation, it’s important to remember that cooperative relationships between unrelated individuals are intrinsically unstable: one business partner may cooperate one moment and cheat in another, and one romantic partner may promise eternal commitment one day and end the relationship the next. Economists call this “the commitment problem.” Because of the commitment problem, two partners must frequently assess the strength of their bond, in order to decide whether to continue investing in the joint venture or bail out. The most direct way for romantic partners to assess their mutual commitment is simply to ask each other, “Are you sure you still love me?” or “Are you sure you want to be with me forever?” Couples in love do this all the time but unfortunately this is not the most reliable of methods for assessing commitment (and for animals, it’s not an option at all). People can be insincere, or even clueless, about their feelings and future behavior.

Evolutionary biologist Amotz Zahavi, the father of the Handicap Principle, has suggested that the most reliable way to assess how much a relationship is worth is to assess its market value, that is, how much someone is willing to pay for it. Your boss at work can tell you that you are a valuable employee and praise your work constantly, but the best indicator of how valuable you are to your boss is the salary he or she is willing to pay you. Words are cheap, but money isn’t. In nature, the equivalent of money is fitness: the ability to survive and reproduce. Therefore, the best way for an animal to address the commitment problem in a cooperative relationship is to assess the extent to which a partner is willing to risk his or her survival or future reproduction to maintain that relationship. In other words, testing the strength of the bond involves behaving in ways that are costly, risky or otherwise detrimental to the partner.

When two male baboons, let’s call them Bill and Bob, fondle each other’s genitalia, they both take a huge risk. By letting Bob fondle his testicles, Bill shows a great deal of trust in Bob’s good intentions. Bob could quickly and easily terminate Bill’s reproductive career for good by ripping his testicles off. On the other hand, by getting so close to Bill and attempting to touch his testicles, Bob exposes himself to a high risk of aggression. A single bite inflicted with Bill’s sharp canines could scar Bob for life. Again, initiating a greeting requires a great deal of trust that the other individual will not respond aggressively to this potentially dangerous violation of privacy. By taking the risk and tolerating the imposition, two male baboons demonstrate how much they value their relationship. A male baboon who wants to measure precisely his partner’s commitment to their alliance can continue holding his partner’s testicle until he gets smacked in the head or bitten. The probability of getting a negative reaction increases exponentially with time, so being able to prolong the ritual for even one second is a significant accomplishment that bespeaks the strength of the commitment.

Given how risky greetings are, the performance of these rituals requires a great deal of caution. In an article published with my former Ph.D. student Jessica Whitham, we showed that pairs of adult males with poor or unstable relationships either don’t exchange greetings at all or their greetings are often aborted. In an incomplete or aborted greeting, one male winks at another one and starts walking toward him, but when the other turns the other way and does nothing, the first male stops and goes back to where he was. Sometimes the two males approach each other, but a second before grabbing each other’s testicles they change their minds, then quickly turn around and retrace their steps. It’s as if one or both of them thought at the very last second that this intimate exchange wasn’t such a good idea after all, or freaked out about how the other one might react. Barbara Smuts, another researcher who has studied greetings between male baboons, noticed that during the course of a greeting two baboons monitor each other and respond to the subtlest glances and shifts in movement with split-second timing. Any sign of hesitation in the other partner can be a reason for terminating the greeting before it’s complete.

The fondling of genitalia by male baboons is by no means the only ritual with which animals test the strength of their bonds with their favorite social partners. Over the years, researchers have accumulated a growing number of observations of seemingly paradoxical social behaviors that appear to be consistent with Zahavi’s bond-testing hypothesis. Capuchin monkeys are small South American primates that live in highly competitive societies in which individuals gain and maintain social status through the formation of agonistic alliances. Susan Perry, a primatologist at UCLA who has observed capuchin monkeys in Costa Rica for many years, has reported that these primates periodically test the patience of their favorite alliance partners by subjecting them to all kinds of physically intrusive and annoying behaviors. For example, a young capuchin monkey may walk up to his favorite social partner, stick a finger up his nose, and wait for a reaction. If their relationship is good, nothing will happen, but if the partner has lost some of the initial enthusiasm about the partnership, the annoying monkey will get smacked. Perry noticed that two capuchin monkeys who have a strong social bond sometimes simultaneously insert their fingers up each other’s nose and “sit in this pose for up to several minutes with trance-like expressions on their faces, sometimes swaying.” Capuchin monkeys also torture their favorite coalition partners by pulling hairs from their face, biting their ears, or sucking their fingers or toes. When these impositions are tolerated, the two partners groom each other for long periods and continue to form alliances against other monkeys.

At a conference in London, Perry showed the audience a video of another bizarre, highly risky, and quite painful bond-testing ritual in capuchin monkeys: two individuals poking each other’s eyeballs. I didn’t attend the conference or see the video, but Michael Balter, a reported for Science magazine, wrote the following description:

“One monkey will insert his or her long, sharp, dirty fingernail deep into the eye socket of another monkey, between the eyelid and the eyeball, up to the first knuckle. In videos Perry played for the meeting, the monkeys on the receiving end of the fingernail, typically social allies, could be seen to grimace and bat their eyelids furiously (as did many members of the audience) but did not attempt to remove the finger or otherwise object to the treatment. Indeed, during these eye-poking sessions, which last up to an hour, monkeys insisted on the finger being reinserted if it popped out of the eye socket”.

Well, if you think monkeys use bizarre behaviors for bond-testing purposes, according to Zahavi we human beings have come up with far more bizarre, intimate, risky, and annoying ways to make sure our romantic partners are committed to the relationship (to be continued).