Foreplay is Fun

Article by Samantha Evans (Originally written for Jo Divine, found here)

Foreplay is often rushed because it feels awkward. Women feel they are being judged if they don’t get aroused immediately and men feel it is a waste of time and that they should be getting down to the nitty gritty of sex!

Foreplay isn’t really optional. Many women don’t get wet enough for full sexual intercourse without some stimulation first. Foreplay involves both men and women and will enhance your sexual pleasure and improve it.

Foreplay should be pleasurable and not seen as something you have to do before getting to the main event: it needs to be part of the whole experience. Foreplay can become too clinical and routine. We’ve all been there: two minutes fondling the breasts and four minutes between the legs before getting on with the job in hand! It doesn’t have to be the same each time – sometimes it can be longer, sometimes quicker and it doesn’t have to be one way.

Touch each other, kiss each other, use great lubricants, try a sex toy. Have the confidence to try some or all of the ideas below and see if you can make foreplay fun!

Not all women enjoy foreplay and just like going to the main event and likewise, many men love foreplay.

Talk to each other
Communication is so important in relationships. When we stop talking, problems start to arise, especially within our sex lives. Men aren’t mind readers and neither are we, so tell each other how you are feeling and what you like. Tell each other what feels good, that you love each other, what you would like to do to each other, where you love to be kissed and what you like about each other’s bodies. You may both be surprised about what is said if you are honest with each other. If a man sees his partner actively enjoying what they are doing, it is a huge turn on.

For many women, our brains never switch off if foreplay is dull so flick that chatter switch off and concentrate on what your partner is doing, giving them guidance as to what feels really good.

The sexes are so different yet we all have basic needs. For men, sex is intimately connected with their sense of masculinity, self image and self worth.

There is a general view that men make love to feel loved, whereas women need to feel loved to make love, however this view is very interchangable as many men will say they need to feel oved to make love too and vice versa for women. Telling your partner what you like will open up your sexual relationship and make it more pleasurable for both of you.

Let him watch
Men are highly visual and become aroused by just watching. Have the confidence to strip off in front of your partner and beckon him into bed. Don’t feel too self conscious about your body; he loves you and your body is the only one he is allowed to see and touch. He loves all your wobbly bits and stretch marks because they are who you are and represent the life you have together. Avoid reaching for your” fleecy sexless pyjamas”:articles/sexual-health/ditch-your-pyjamas-tonight and turn up the heating. Many women jump under the covers quickly because they are cold, so ramp up the thermostat instead to rev up your own sexual heat!

By using lubricant and a sex toy to put on a sexy show you can show your partner exactly what feels great for you, where you love being touched. Let them take control of the sex toy and play with you. They will love your response!

Sexy underwear
Invest in sexy lingerie to tantalise and titivate him – it may also give him a hint as to what type of lingerie you like when he is struggling to find a birthday or Christmas present. Wearing sexy underwear will make you feel sexy and if your partner knows this, he won’t be able to stop buying it for you.

Use lubricant
Many women, young or old, suffer from vaginal dryness at some time during their life but are too embarrassed to discuss the problem or seek help. Yet whenever you mention lubricant, people think of the menopausal woman.

However, most women experience problems with vaginal lubrications as levels of vaginal secretions differ between individuals and can be affected by stress, anxiety, hormonal changes due to contraception or pregnancy and medical interventions. Natural and artificial lubricants can help to increase wetness, which in turn, improve sexual pleasure and satisfaction. This view is shared by both men and women.

Research by Jozkowski et al (2013) found that, overall, women felt positive about lubricant, preferring sex to feel more wet than not, reporting that sex felt more comfortable and pleasurable using lubrication than without it.

They found that 9 out of 10 women felt that sex was more comfortable, pleasurable and simply better when using lubrication. 90% also stated that they disagreed that “young women don’t really need lubes” or that “something is wrong with a woman if she needs a lube”.

Most men are happy using sexual lubricant because it means sex will feel comfortable and pleasurable for their partner, which in turn, will hopefully lead to having more sex and better sex!

That feels fantastic!
Have the courage to tell and show him what you like and what you don’t like.Most men welcome some guidance on what they should be doing and if they are doing it right, the sounds emanating from your throat will indicate if he has hit the correct spot! Having his own personal sex show from the person he loves will make your man steaming hot.

Get buzzing
Many men feel threatened by a vibrator but by showing him what a small clitoral vibrator can do for you and how it can arouse you so that sexual intercourse is more amazing, he will change his mind. Get your partner to use his hands, mouth or vibrator on you and tell him how good it feels.

Relax and take your time
Get naked together. Enjoy a hot steamy bath with plenty of bubbles. Soap each other in intimate ways to turn the heat up. Use a bath oil to lube up his penis or let him gently massage your breasts.

Tease him with feather-like fingertip touching or use some light bondage, ask him where he likes being touched: all men enjoy being caressed. Men tend to like a firmer touch so ask him how he likes to be touched. The same goes for women: they enjoy a lighter touch, so tell him if he is being too rough.

Use lubricants on your partner, this makes masturbation feels so much better and can help you enjoy longer sexual intercourse too.

Mix it up
Change positions frequently, experiment to find one that really turns you both on. This is not only arousing but can lighten the mood by being funny too. Find that special position that is just right for both of you – you may be surprised at how different and better sex can feel in this position. Variety is the spice of life and it is good to mix things up.

Try sensory deprived sex, being blindfolded can highten your senses. Of the five senses, sight is the sense that turns a majority of men on, whereas women enjoy the sense of touch. Men become aroused by the sight of something erotic or sexually pleasing such as sexy lingerie or images. Women get aroused by what they feel such as cuddling, massage and silky underwear.

Blindfolds are a safe, non-threatening way to expand your erotic horizons but can increase your sexual pleasure.

Touching him means power!
Rather than lying back and letting him do all the work, take control and dominate him you might like it and I’m sure your partner will love it. The more active you are by touching him, feeling him and changing position, the more intimate the experience will be and you will enjoy it more.

Find your inner dominatrix!
Take 15 minutes to totally dominate him: it will make you feel so powerful and it is a great turn on. Many women are too passive when it comes to sex and let the man make all the moves. By taking the lead, we see what effect we have on our partner and how we can reduce him to a quivering jumble begging for release. Tell him what you are going to do, where and how and ask him if he has any specific requests he has always fantasised about (he needs to be realistic with his requests!)

Concentrate on how his body responds, what he really enjoys you doing to him and the effect you have on him. Kiss him all over. Watch how he really loves you and take time to feel the power that his desire for you has on your sexual arousal. You may find that you can’t last the 15 minutes and need to climb on top of him. I’m sure he won’t mind!

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