Vagina’s are Awesome!

We recently read an article written by Kara Maria Ananda on the awesomeness of the Vagina. It may not be every mans place of fascination but for the heterosexual, bisexual and bi curious men who read this newsletter, not to mention the many female m33Xtra members, it makes informative and revealing reading.

With my female client list growing weekly we can personally vouch for much of what Kara writes. Watch out guys we may soon be toppled off our sexual pedestal. Womanhood is freeing itself from the confines of society’s archaic shameful beliefs and the Vagina is claiming its rightful role as the powerhouse of human sexual energy. Penises may be proud but vaginas are quite simply awesome.  Read on ladies and be blessed in the individuality of your anatomy and gentlemen we recommend you take a few minutes to read this as it may well change the way you view your female partner(s) forever.

1. Vaginas Are Like Fingerprints.

Each vagina is different and unique. Like a fingerprint, it is the female body’s individual design and not like anyone else’s. There is no standard issue model and there is no “normal” vagina. Each vagina IS beautiful and fabulous just the way it is. Like a unique snowflake or flower, a woman’s vagina is the fingerprint to her erotic self.

images (1)Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t even know what a healthy normal vagina or vulva looks like, so they are fearful that they might be different. This is largely propagated because of the pervasiveness of the pornography industry which frequently will airbrush out a women’s labia minora resulting in a smaller and more adolescent appearing vulva. They do this to be more “discreet” – yeah, like pornography could ever be considered discreet.

Female genital plastic surgery is now a lucrative growing business in the US and beyond, with cosmetic surgeons heavily marketing to women to “improve appearance”. Unless there is a medical reason for female genital surgery it is no different than female genital mutilation, just promoted for cosmetic reasons and profiteering from women’s bodies rather than for adherence to patriarchal religious doctrines.

There has been no long term studies done on the effects of female genital plastic surgery and the reduction of the labia and vagina results in a significant loss of pleasure receptors as well as potentially causing scarring, infection, pain, excessive tightness necessitating physical therapy, and other complications. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology published a report in 2007 warning that most female genital cosmetic surgery was not ethical, acceptable, standardized or medically warranted.

A woman’s  body is designed the way it is for to support you to have outstanding orgasms, health, and protection of your lady parts. Getting to know your vulva and vagina will help you to love and appreciate the incredible female body you are blessed with. Your vagina and vulva are perfect just the way they are!

2. The Vagina-Brain Connection

Naomi Wolf writes in her book “Vagina: A New Biography” that the vagina is not only deeply interconnected with the brain through the complex female pelvic neural network, but that it’s also a part of the female soul. This means that for a woman to become aroused, she must be mentally turned on and excited, and orgasms can be a deeply spiritual experience. This involves the activation of the autonomic nervous system through deep relaxation and sensual touch which allows a woman to enter into an altered state of consciousness that precedes and facilitates the experience of orgasm.
Thus it’s true, foreplay is essential for women, because lovemaking and arousal is not as simple a physiological response as it is for men, who have much less complex pelvic neural networks. Women need to be slowly relaxed and eased into opening to ecstasy through their whole beings – mind, body and soul. The deeper the relaxation and trance state, the more incredible the orgasms become!

3. Women Are Multi-Orgasmic

It’s amazing blessing that women are able to experience multiple orgasms! The ability for women to be multi-orgasmic allows us to access deepening levels of pleasure, sensations, expanded consciousness and connection with our higher selves. This is nature’s gift to women that supports us in enjoying lovemaking and demonstrates that for humanity, sex and love is not just about making babies, it’s about connecting deeper with our lovers and ourselves, and is a portal to higher states of consciousness and spiritual communion. While men can learn to control their lovemaking to also experience multiple orgasms it is harder for them to do so.

However, many women are unable to orgasm, or have yet to experience an orgasm, let alone multiple orgasms. I once attended a women’s circle on the subject of sexuality with over 20 women of all ages from mid-twenties to mid-eighties sharing about their feelings and experiences of sex, orgasms and erotic love. Many older women in the circle reported not knowing what a real orgasm was until they were in their forties or even sixties! Know that this is learnable, and through emotional release work, the calming of the nervous system, healing of past traumas, and sexological bodywork, many blocks that may be preventing the nervous system from truly relaxing deep enough into the experience can be released and new sexual experiences are possible – at any age.

Additionally, most women do not orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone and need clitoral stimulation to climax. Getting creative through erotic touch can open the gateway to higher levels of pleasure. Orgasms are fabulous for health providing many physiological advantages from reducing stress and supporting restful sleep, to soothing menstrual cramping and headaches.

4. The Clitoris Is HUGE

When most people think of the clitoris, what they think of is just the tip of the iceberg. The tips or glans protrudes above the vaginal opening, offering a key spot for sensual stimulation. However, their are over 8000 nerves of the clitoris which extend throughout the tissue beneath the surface, inside the vagina and through the vulva and perineum. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than in any other part of a human body, including the penis, which only has 4000 nerves in contrast. It is an organ specially designed for incredible pleasure!

The clitoris actually has 18 different interconnected parts that work together to facilitate pleasure and orgasm, including the labia minora, the G-spot, the tip, the shaft and more. Author Rebecca Chalker wrote a wonderful book called “The Clitoral Truth” which elaborates on the true extent of the clitoris and it’s pleasure receptors. Through learning about the anatomy of the clitoris, women can learn enhance their sensations of pleasure and understanding of our bodies.

5. Vaginas Are Flexible

I remember in junior high, having a female friend mention that she couldn’t figure out how to fit a tampon in her vagina, let alone imagine how it could ever someday fit a penis. In the same fashion, many women wonder how it’s possible for a baby to actually exit their body through the birth process. Truthfully, women’s bodies are AMAZING and the vagina can actually expand quite extensively when relaxed and the hormonal orchestra is right, such as during arousal or childbirth.

Ina May Gaskin, considered the grandmother of modern midwifery, writes in her book “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” how when a women is relaxed in natural childbirth, the vagina and vulva can open rapidly and easily. She shares a story of one woman who she witnessed give birth, who’s yoni opened really WIDE and quickly during pushing for the baby to be born, and later reported that she silently repeated to herself the mantra “I’m gonna get HUGE!” during childbirth – and she did so as to easily and quickly birth her baby.

Thanks to this story, at the moments before I gave birth to my second child at home, my husband shouted out to me: “Your getting HUGE!” He thought that would help. Dads, I don’t recommend that, but I do find it quite hilarious now.

Unfortunately many women are told in pregnancy that they are too small to give birth vaginally, and are coerced into c-sections. This is just not true, as women’s bodies expand during childbirth and it’s not possible to look at a women’s vagina and say whether or not she is capable of birthing her baby vaginally or not before hand. During the time of labor and birth, the main issue preventing women from birthing vaginally is stress.

Imagine if you had to take a poop and there were 5 people in the bathroom telling you to push, push, push. I know many people who cannot go to the bathroom away from home, because they need that total relaxation and privacy, and public bathrooms with other people in the adjacent stalls cause tension and discomfort.

It’s similar for birth because we need to relax deeply and have privacy to open up so vulnerably. In my first labor, I sequestered myself in the bathroom during labor and that’s when I relaxed enough to let my baby descend and begin pushing. Thanks to having good support, relaxation and privacy during labor, I have ecstatically birthed two big babies naturally at home, 8 lbs and 9 lbs, with no tears and quick healing.

Vaginas are not ever just one size. The inner lining folds in upon itself, collapsing the internal space, only to expand with relaxation, arousal and lubrication. This incredible ability of the vagina to expand when needed seems to continue to boggle the minds of mothers to be and doctors.

6. Vaginas Are Strong

It may be soft and hidden away inside out bodies, but  vaginas are powerful and strong. Better and more frequent orgasms, an improved sex life, and prevention of back pain are all results of optimal pelvic floor strength. Kegel exercises are a popularized technique to strengthen the pelvic floor, but can actually cause worsening of problems due to not addressing all the muscle groups that are involved in pelvic health, including the glutes, and actually causing over-tightening of the pelvic floor.

Katy Bowman, a biomechanist who teaches functional movement, recommends that women squat daily to strengthen the gluteal muscles and improve pelvic floor tensility, support and strength. Deep squats with the heels and feet flat on the floor and toes facing forward several times a day is the most effective way to incorporate daily movement that enhances pelvic floor health, vaginal lengthening, flexibility and most importantly postural and pelvic alignment.

Another more effective way than Kegels to increase the strength, support, health, and somatic awareness of the vagina is through a Jade Egg practice, also known as vaginal weight lifting. The Jade Egg is an ancient practice for women’s health and wellness that is regaining awareness and popularity today. The practice involves inserting a smooth egg shaped crystal (usually jade though sometimes other minerals) into the vagina and learning to control the movement of it up and down. This strengthens the entire muscle system and increases somatic awareness of the muscles inside the vagina. Kim Anami is a popular modern teacher of the Jade Egg practice and she calls it Vaginal Kung Fu. Kim has a legendary vagina that is so strong, she can suspend from a Jade Egg inside her body heavy objects such as a bowling ball or surfboard.

Vaginas truly are AWESOME! 

 

Testify My Testicle

‘Testify’ comes from the Latin word for Testicle

In ancient Rome, two men taking an oath of allegiance held each other’s testicles, and men held their own testicles as a sign of truthfulness while bearing witness in a public forum. The Romans found a word to describe this practice but didn’t invent the practice itself. Other primates had already been doing this for millions of years. Two male baboons who cooperatewith each other by forming aggressive alliances against other baboons frequently fondle each other’s genitalia. This behavior has nothing to do with sexbut it’s a social ritual that primatologists call a “greeting.” The behavior of ancient Romans and male baboons can be explained by the Handicap Principle, an evolutionary theory according to which the most effective way to obtain reliable information about a partner’s commitment in a relationship – whether a political alliance, a romantic relationship, or a business partnership – is to impose a cost on the partner and assess the partner’s willingness to pay it.

To better understand the testicle ritual and its explanation, it’s important to remember that cooperative relationships between unrelated individuals are intrinsically unstable: one business partner may cooperate one moment and cheat in another, and one romantic partner may promise eternal commitment one day and end the relationship the next. Economists call this “the commitment problem.” Because of the commitment problem, two partners must frequently assess the strength of their bond, in order to decide whether to continue investing in the joint venture or bail out. The most direct way for romantic partners to assess their mutual commitment is simply to ask each other, “Are you sure you still love me?” or “Are you sure you want to be with me forever?” Couples in love do this all the time but unfortunately this is not the most reliable of methods for assessing commitment (and for animals, it’s not an option at all). People can be insincere, or even clueless, about their feelings and future behavior.

Evolutionary biologist Amotz Zahavi, the father of the Handicap Principle, has suggested that the most reliable way to assess how much a relationship is worth is to assess its market value, that is, how much someone is willing to pay for it. Your boss at work can tell you that you are a valuable employee and praise your work constantly, but the best indicator of how valuable you are to your boss is the salary he or she is willing to pay you. Words are cheap, but money isn’t. In nature, the equivalent of money is fitness: the ability to survive and reproduce. Therefore, the best way for an animal to address the commitment problem in a cooperative relationship is to assess the extent to which a partner is willing to risk his or her survival or future reproduction to maintain that relationship. In other words, testing the strength of the bond involves behaving in ways that are costly, risky or otherwise detrimental to the partner.

When two male baboons, let’s call them Bill and Bob, fondle each other’s genitalia, they both take a huge risk. By letting Bob fondle his testicles, Bill shows a great deal of trust in Bob’s good intentions. Bob could quickly and easily terminate Bill’s reproductive career for good by ripping his testicles off. On the other hand, by getting so close to Bill and attempting to touch his testicles, Bob exposes himself to a high risk of aggression. A single bite inflicted with Bill’s sharp canines could scar Bob for life. Again, initiating a greeting requires a great deal of trust that the other individual will not respond aggressively to this potentially dangerous violation of privacy. By taking the risk and tolerating the imposition, two male baboons demonstrate how much they value their relationship. A male baboon who wants to measure precisely his partner’s commitment to their alliance can continue holding his partner’s testicle until he gets smacked in the head or bitten. The probability of getting a negative reaction increases exponentially with time, so being able to prolong the ritual for even one second is a significant accomplishment that bespeaks the strength of the commitment.

Given how risky greetings are, the performance of these rituals requires a great deal of caution. In an article published with my former Ph.D. student Jessica Whitham, we showed that pairs of adult males with poor or unstable relationships either don’t exchange greetings at all or their greetings are often aborted. In an incomplete or aborted greeting, one male winks at another one and starts walking toward him, but when the other turns the other way and does nothing, the first male stops and goes back to where he was. Sometimes the two males approach each other, but a second before grabbing each other’s testicles they change their minds, then quickly turn around and retrace their steps. It’s as if one or both of them thought at the very last second that this intimate exchange wasn’t such a good idea after all, or freaked out about how the other one might react. Barbara Smuts, another researcher who has studied greetings between male baboons, noticed that during the course of a greeting two baboons monitor each other and respond to the subtlest glances and shifts in movement with split-second timing. Any sign of hesitation in the other partner can be a reason for terminating the greeting before it’s complete.

The fondling of genitalia by male baboons is by no means the only ritual with which animals test the strength of their bonds with their favorite social partners. Over the years, researchers have accumulated a growing number of observations of seemingly paradoxical social behaviors that appear to be consistent with Zahavi’s bond-testing hypothesis. Capuchin monkeys are small South American primates that live in highly competitive societies in which individuals gain and maintain social status through the formation of agonistic alliances. Susan Perry, a primatologist at UCLA who has observed capuchin monkeys in Costa Rica for many years, has reported that these primates periodically test the patience of their favorite alliance partners by subjecting them to all kinds of physically intrusive and annoying behaviors. For example, a young capuchin monkey may walk up to his favorite social partner, stick a finger up his nose, and wait for a reaction. If their relationship is good, nothing will happen, but if the partner has lost some of the initial enthusiasm about the partnership, the annoying monkey will get smacked. Perry noticed that two capuchin monkeys who have a strong social bond sometimes simultaneously insert their fingers up each other’s nose and “sit in this pose for up to several minutes with trance-like expressions on their faces, sometimes swaying.” Capuchin monkeys also torture their favorite coalition partners by pulling hairs from their face, biting their ears, or sucking their fingers or toes. When these impositions are tolerated, the two partners groom each other for long periods and continue to form alliances against other monkeys.

At a conference in London, Perry showed the audience a video of another bizarre, highly risky, and quite painful bond-testing ritual in capuchin monkeys: two individuals poking each other’s eyeballs. I didn’t attend the conference or see the video, but Michael Balter, a reported for Science magazine, wrote the following description:

“One monkey will insert his or her long, sharp, dirty fingernail deep into the eye socket of another monkey, between the eyelid and the eyeball, up to the first knuckle. In videos Perry played for the meeting, the monkeys on the receiving end of the fingernail, typically social allies, could be seen to grimace and bat their eyelids furiously (as did many members of the audience) but did not attempt to remove the finger or otherwise object to the treatment. Indeed, during these eye-poking sessions, which last up to an hour, monkeys insisted on the finger being reinserted if it popped out of the eye socket”.

Well, if you think monkeys use bizarre behaviors for bond-testing purposes, according to Zahavi we human beings have come up with far more bizarre, intimate, risky, and annoying ways to make sure our romantic partners are committed to the relationship (to be continued).